Your Maternity Journey: The Unspoken 4th Trimester
The joy and excitement that we experience when we find out we are pregnant for the first time is indescribable. We begin to search the internet about the stages of pregnancy and the entire labour process (or in some cases, the caesarean process). We chat with friends and family and begin to download apps such as ‘Baby Centre’. Week by week we wonder what type of fruit or vegetable our baby’s approximate size and weight is equivalent to; “at 12 weeks your baby is the size of a lime, about 5.4cm…. at 23 weeks your baby weighs about the same as a large mango, a little over 500 grams…etc.” We are eager to book our maternity photographer in Melbourne and secure a newborn photography session to create wonderful memories from bump to baby.
There is an enormous amount of information, which is readily available to us, that guides us through the 1st, 2nd and 3rd trimester of our pregnancy. But what happens to us mums once our little bundle of joy is welcomed into our world? What’s next…? This, my friends, is known as the “4th trimester.” To be honest, I don’t know if it should be titled a trimester because this stage in a mum's life can sometimes last longer than three months. There is no set timeframe, and yet it is just as important a chapter in the postpartum journey as pregnancy itself.
Once we bring our little miracles to our homes, we know we need to feed them (breastfed or bottle fed), comfort them, put them to sleep, change their nappies, change their outfits, give them a bath, clean their face, pack their nappy bag etc. All these “simple” tasks can come with many feelings we may have never experienced before.
Overwhelming
Babies cry. It’s a fact and it’s perfectly normal — in fact it would not be normal if a baby did not cry. Yes, some cry more than others and that’s fine, just like us! The way I see it is those babies are just more vocal. Babies can’t talk. Crying and whinging is the only way they can express themselves and communicate. However, it’s easy to be overwhelmed by their constant crying and noises. We can get overwhelmed because we may not know what they are trying to tell us; Are they in pain? Are they tired? Are they teething? Are they asking for comfort? Or do they just need a nappy change?
This overwhelming feeling can occur if our babies do not sleep when we want them to or when the books/guides advise us when they “should” sleep. Or even if they only sleep for a short period of time. Due to the new environment your baby can become more unsettled when you are at someone’s house and we can get quite flustered, unsure how to settle our baby. Many parents preparing for newborn photoshoots in Melbourne tell me they felt this exact way.
Anxiety
Being overwhelmed can possibly trigger anxiety. We may begin to feel anxious even before the event. Some examples can include: – packing the nappy bag and visiting someone, attending an event with our baby before the day has arrived or simply driving somewhere with our baby. We ask ourselves; “What if our baby is unsettled while we are driving? Or poos while we are driving? Or is hungry while we are driving? Or doesn’t sleep while we are driving?” Just the simple task of taking our baby out of the car and popping them in the pram can trigger our anxiety. “What if I’ve forgotten how to connect the pram together or how to take the baby out of the car seat?” Etc.
Anxiety may also kick in if we feel uncomfortable around certain individuals for numerous reasons. They may be very opinionated with the way we are mothering our children or the way they are mothering theirs, or just individuals who don’t bring a positive vibe. Even just the thought of how I am going to be able to have a shower, get myself ready and get the baby ready, then you realise “Oh great! Look at the time!”
As a Melbourne maternity and newborn photographer, I hear these feelings shared often — they’re more common than many mums realise.
Lost
Becoming a mum is a life changer. Life will never be the same. This is fact. Like anything in life, there will always be good times and not so good times. We can feel very lost and confused at times. Just not knowing how to juggle; personal life, mum life, husband/partner life, sister life, daughter life, granddaughter life, friend life. Making time for everyone around you and at the same time trying to keep it altogether, aware that there really are not many hours in a day to fit everything in… It is a huge strain we women put on ourselves. We may even feel lost when it’s just ourselves with our baby’s, just wondering “how will I be able to be the best mum? Can I even do it?”
This is where having maternity photography in Melbourne and reflecting back on your journey can serve as a reminder of your strength and resilience.
Insecure
We begin to question ourselves, whether we are doing the “right” thing for our baby. We find greater support within our husbands/partner, and we feel secure when they are around us and our baby. It is almost like we need reassurance from them with every decision we make and just feel relief knowing they are around. Our insecurities start kicking in and our confidence levels can be impacted.
Opinions and Comments
Certain opinions and comments of individuals can really affect our mood and feelings. In turn, impacting our self-esteem. We are so sleep deprived, we probably aren’t eating well, we are trying to adjust to motherhood, in addition trying to deal with all of life’s challenges, and the last thing we want is to listen to unhelpful comments. Although they mean well, we need a positive support system around us to give us that important positive reassurance and to share a glass of wine.
A Friend’s Reflection
I caught up with a close friend one day: a new Mumma. She began to vent and express her feelings and hectic moments of being a new mum. I could empathise with her and expressed my experiences when I had my first baby. We spoke for ages (as we do) and then she asked, “Elle, why didn’t you tell me this? I never knew all this happens after you have a baby…” Something struck a chord within me, and I began to question myself. “Was I ashamed of my feelings? Did I just deal with it and think it was all normal? Did I not want to dampen a new mum’s exciting moment? Or did I just not think to talk about it?”
As more and more of my close networks became new mums, it dawned on me how common this stage is and how many of us did not know how normal all this is. But why is it not spoken about? There really isn’t much information out there to not only prepare us for it, but to also help us and guide us.
You Are Not Alone
If you have or are experiencing even one of the above-mentioned feelings, please know you are not alone! You won’t be the first or the last mum, to possibly experience this stage. Express how you are feeling to your close network, seek support if needed.
Only you can pull yourself back together. Sometimes our loved ones just don’t realise what’s happening inside us. I am no expert or educated in the medical industry, I can only mention my own experiences and many families and friends’ experiences. You may be wondering, what are some things that can be done to suppress some of these feelings and possibly make them go away entirely. Below are just some of many remedies that may help you during the “4th trimester” of motherhood (B.A.S.I.C).
Believe in Yourself
Remember, your baby only has one mother and that is you! No-one can ever replace that. Be confident that you know your baby best, better than anyone else. You have gut feelings for your own children that no-one else has. Always follow your instincts.
Avoid Comparison
I cannot stress enough — do not compare yourself with other mums. Focus on your path. Focus on what you are doing as a mother and what your children need from you.
Self-Care
We are not superwomen. We need to take time out for ourselves. Self-care can be anything from catching up with friends, going shopping on your own, having a massage, or simply resting.
Ignore
Everyone around you will always have their opinions. Some may mean well, but they may not be helpful. Choose to ignore unhelpful comments. You know your baby better than anyone else.
Communicate
Express your thoughts and feelings to your partner, family, or friends. Talking helps unload, and sometimes those around you can offer practical support.
Final Reflection
The “4th trimester” can be smooth sailing for some but a huge rollercoaster for others. But know that this stage is only temporary. Be patient with yourself. You and your baby are learning new things each day.
When you are having an off day, remember you were chosen to have your baby because you are who they need. In a blink of an eye, your baby will be all grown up, and this stage will be a blur.
✨ Your motherhood journey is worth celebrating — from pregnancy to newborn days. Through maternity and newborn photography in Melbourne, you can preserve not just the milestones, but also the raw, unspoken parts of becoming a mum.
